I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
