so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
