We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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