Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And then he peed in my hair
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