Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found your dick twin last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
