There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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