Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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