I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
