I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
