We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
