nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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