Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
