Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
