What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i drank out of a bidet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
