its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
