He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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