YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
