I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
