My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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