is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
