I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
