Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
