so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
