in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize