your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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