with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
