Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
