I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
