we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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