Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
