the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
