There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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