I think I am morally bankrupt
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
