wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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