I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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