Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
