Non-Jews are for practice
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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