next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
