since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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