Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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