I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
