The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
