The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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