we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
