$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
