I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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