She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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