You're completely useless in the revolution.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
