Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
