i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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