I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
