She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize