He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize