I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
