dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
