my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
