Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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