and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
