This girl is more easily done than said...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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