You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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