and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
