He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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