i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
