You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
