i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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