No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
