I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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