so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
