you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
