You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
