I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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