well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
