I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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