Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
