Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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