She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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