I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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