My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
