She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
