Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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